sleep. or lack thereof.

Yawn.
Seriously, this is messed up.  I haven't had a full night's sleep since...well, since I got clean.  My body is SO used to having drugs in it to fall asleep, that when I took away those drugs it's like my body now has no clue what to do.

I typically wake up at least five times.  I'll go to the bathroom, shove some food in my mouth, smoke, check twitter, something.  I should probably try to resist getting out of bed when I wake in the middle of the night and try to go back to sleep right away.  But the waking up moments aren't just a little bit awake, they are AWAKE.

I'm beyond frustrated.  I'm taking melatonin & valerian root currently.  I'm investigating 5HTP.  I have a history of abusing both prescription and over-the-counter sleep meds, so those are out.  (I'd need a shrink who'd actually agree to see me to get a script anyways, but that's a whole different story).  I'm trying to watch caffeine intake after 3:00.  I've tried naps, not napping. Argh.

I'm sorry to whine.  I truly am.  Life is SO much better clean, and I have to remember I wasn't getting quality sleep back then anyways - it was more nodding out and collapsing into exhaustion.

you gotta start somewhere

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu

I have a silver ring with that quote on it, I wear it almost daily.  It reminds me that no matter what I am facing, be it big or small, everything in life can be dealt with just one step at a time.  The most difficult problems and challenges were all solved by starting somewhere.

So that's how I'm (trying to) facing my current giant messed-up-life challenge.  Addiction to crack cocaine and heroin - trying to stay clean & sober, manage my eating disorder, manage my depression, anxiety, PTSD.  Oh- and did I mention parent four kids, two of whom have special needs?

One foot in front of the other.

One step at a time.