Yawn.
Seriously, this is messed up. I haven't had a full night's sleep since...well, since I got clean. My body is SO used to having drugs in it to fall asleep, that when I took away those drugs it's like my body now has no clue what to do.
I typically wake up at least five times. I'll go to the bathroom, shove some food in my mouth, smoke, check twitter, something. I should probably try to resist getting out of bed when I wake in the middle of the night and try to go back to sleep right away. But the waking up moments aren't just a little bit awake, they are AWAKE.
I'm beyond frustrated. I'm taking melatonin & valerian root currently. I'm investigating 5HTP. I have a history of abusing both prescription and over-the-counter sleep meds, so those are out. (I'd need a shrink who'd actually agree to see me to get a script anyways, but that's a whole different story). I'm trying to watch caffeine intake after 3:00. I've tried naps, not napping. Argh.
I'm sorry to whine. I truly am. Life is SO much better clean, and I have to remember I wasn't getting quality sleep back then anyways - it was more nodding out and collapsing into exhaustion.
A Mess in Progress
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
you gotta start somewhere
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu
I have a silver ring with that quote on it, I wear it almost daily. It reminds me that no matter what I am facing, be it big or small, everything in life can be dealt with just one step at a time. The most difficult problems and challenges were all solved by starting somewhere.
So that's how I'm (trying to) facing my current giant messed-up-life challenge. Addiction to crack cocaine and heroin - trying to stay clean & sober, manage my eating disorder, manage my depression, anxiety, PTSD. Oh- and did I mention parent four kids, two of whom have special needs?
One foot in front of the other.
One step at a time.
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